Bonus Awards Show
by Pelican
Summary: Microsoft hacks Melee and deletes a few bonus awards. The smashers now must get them back, but they're totally clueless.
1. Hack Attack

Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers: Melee, its characters, or anything related. 

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Bonus Awards Show

Chapter 1 – Hack Attack

By Pelican (Pelican_13@Yahoo.com)

06/02/2002

            Deep within the headquarters of the evil empire known as Microsoft a team of evil hackers were evilly hacking Nintendo's Super Smash Brothers: Melee.  The game was too much for Microsoft to handle and some of their computers exploded, but not after they had managed to delete a few lines of data.

            Inside the melee headquarters the superstars were lounging about, with the exception of Peach.  Suddenly, Peach busted into the room holding up a piece of paper.

"People!" she demanded their attention.  She didn't get it, everyone continued to sit around looking bored.

"PEOPLE!" she screamed again.

Mario, Luigi, Captain Falcon, Ness, the Ice Climbers, Samus, Marth, and Roy looked at Peach.

"What?" they asked in unison.

"Okay…and reptiles, foxes, birds, apes, elves, pokémon, and 2D characters," Peach restated.

The remaining melee stars gave her their attention.

"Finally."  Peach held the paper into the air once more.  "Super Smash Brothers: Melee has been hacked!"

A few gasps were heard amongst the crowd.

"Who could have done this?" Ness asked.

"Take a wild guess," Captain Falcon responded.

"Umm… the Russians."

"No, it was the Chinese," Link suggested.

"You're all wrong, this could only be the work of the Koreans!" Falco stood up.

"Isn't it obvious?  It's the Sega Corporation!" Roy cut in.

"Silence!" Peach's voice dominated the crowd.  "Stop being stupid!  We all know this was the work of Microsoft."

"Yeah, Roy!  Why would Sega attack us?" said Falco.

"It makes more sense than the Koreans!" Ness shot.

"What did they hack?" Fox changed the subject back to what was important.

"Some bonus awards!  I have a printout of everything that was deleted," Peach answered.

The fighters looked at the paper.  It read:

"Bird of Prey

Juggler

Sweeper

Sniper

Statue

Marathon Man

Shield Buster

Rock Climber

No R 4 U

Switzerland

Stalker

Coward

World Traveler

Magnified Finish

Jackpot

Super Spy"

"So what-a do we-a do?" Luigi asked.

"We need to get back these awards," Peach answered.

"Alright guys!  Let's do it!" Fox encouraged.

"Raa!" several smashers raised up their fists.  They all went off in separate directions to hunt for the missing awards.

"Wait!" Peach called.  "You don't know how to get the awards!"

            Later, Falco was walking down a hallway thinking about how he could get one of the awards back.

"What was one of those awards on that list," Falco thought to himself.  He recalled the first award on the list was 'Bird of Prey.'

"That's it!" Falco thought to himself.  He raised his wings and looked to the ceiling.

"I am a bird of prey!" he called.

He lowered his head and looked around for the award.

"Come on!  Give me the award!  I'm a bird and I eat meat!"

Still no response came.  Falco waited to be proclaimed the bird of prey but noticed it wasn't working after a few moments.

"Maybe I can prove I'm a bird of prey," Falco thought to himself.  He began down the hallway looking for something.

            In another room, Link was leaning against a wall thinking about how he could get back an award.  His sword and shield were left beside him.  He closed his eyes to better visualize his thoughts.

At this time Bowser walked by.  He was also thinking over the list and saw Link's sword and shield lying against the wall, and Link with his eyes closed.  He slowly made his way over to Link and picked up his sword.

"Hmm, The Hand That Wields It 2," he thought to himself.  He remembered the missing bonus awards and decided against it.  Bowser then returned the sword.  He slyly picked up the Hylian shield and sneaked away.

Link's eyes shot open, "That's it!"  He grabbed his sword and ran down the hallway into a teleporter room.

            Yoshi was sitting in a corner looking over a travel book.  He was quickly skimming a few pages.  He glanced down to see his bag.  He had packed it with a few necessary items needed to take a vacation, but no extra clothes as he never seemed to wear clothes.  He highlighted a few lines in his travel book.  He closed his book and placed it in his bag.  He zipped it up, picked it up, and threw the strap around his shoulder.  He left the room vacant, or was it vacant?  Under the couch something lurked, something hidden, something… shivering.  Roy was remaining as silent as possible while hiding under the couch.  Roy was terrified, but of what?

            Mr. Game and Watch had made his way into one of the storage rooms in the building.  Inside rested several fun items seen in Super Smash Brothers.  His attention was directed to a box labeled, "Pokéballs."  He opened the top of the cardboard and took hold of three pokéballs.  He exited the closet-like room into the hallway and looked to see if anyone was near.  When he found he was alone he tossed the first ball in his left hand in the air to his right.  He did the opposite with the second pokéball.  Soon he developed a rhythm with the three red and white spheres and juggled them.  Every time he tossed a ball into the air he emitted a "click" sound.

            "I got it!" Fox called.  He entered a room carrying a bag, which was apparently heavy.  It was obviously straining Fox to lift it but he tried to make it look easy.  It didn't work.

"Need any help with that, foxy boy?" Captain Falcon asked.

"No," Fox grunted trying to hold the bag up.  "I got it."

"Pichu!" Pichu called.  He and Falcon were standing near a table Fox was approaching.  Fox set the bag down beside the wooden table.  The vulpine was gasping for breath.

"Shall we get started already?" Captain Falcon asked.  "We still have that award to get."

"In a minute, Doug," Fox responded.

"Never call me that name!" Falcon said offended.

"Pichu pi pi pi!" Pichu tried to pacify the F Zero racer and the fox gasping for air.

"Pichu, get the container," Captain Falcon ordered.

Pichu ran to another side of the room and came back with a rectangular metal holder.  Captain Falcon ripped open the bag and dumped its contents into the container.  The bag was carrying cement, regular cement used for sidewalks and such.  Fox was now sitting in one of the armchairs.  His breathing was still visible.

"Pichu!" Pichu held up a device to smooth out concrete.  It had a wooden handle and a flat metal service.  Next to him was another one, to be used by Fox.

"Let's begin," Falcon suggested.  He stood on top of the table and did his taunt.

"Show me your moves!" he taunted.  The difference was he held his taunt, keeping his salute raised and feet apart.

"Pi!" Pichu said as he gathered some cement on his spreader.  He jumped on the table and began covering Captain Falcon's foot with cement.  Fox stood up and picked up his spreader.  He began on Captain Falcon's other foot.

While Pichu and McCloud worked, Peach entered the room.  She observed the odd behavior and decided to approach them.

"What are you doing?" Peach asked skeptically.

"Pi pi chu!"

"What?" Peach was confused.

"We're trying to get the Statue bonus award back," Fox informed.

"But that's not how you," Peach began.

"I think we know how to spread cement, princess," Fox interrupted.

"But I was going to say," Peach again tried to begin a sentence.

"Look, just let us work.  We're working on the ugliest statue in history," Fox stopped working to deal with Peach.

"Hey!" Falcon shot.

"What are you gonna do about it, Doug?"

"Don't call me that, Foxy!"

Peach was too aggravated to continue.  She turned around and left the three to be fools playing with cement.  Fox went back to work.

"Why couldn't they have hacked away the Cement Shoes award?" Fox complained.  "We'd already be finished."


	2. A Sniper, Lufthansa, and a Broken Shield

Bonus Awards Show

Chapter 2 – A Sniper, Lufthansa, and a Broken Shield

By Pelican (Pelican_13@Yahoo.com)

            Zelda and Donkey Kong were having a conversation in one of the hallways of the huge building.  Unknown to them they were being watched, watched by a being most foul, a being hiding behind a potted plant.  That being was Marth.  He was peeping through a hole in the leaves of the bushy plant.  His sight was directed at the princess of Hyrule, Zelda.  He looked up and down her figure, only imagining what lied beneath that royal dress.  Zelda and DK began walking away from Marth.  He slowly lifted up the clay pot containing the plant and followed them.  Zelda heard some rustling behind her and spun around.  Marth quickly dropped the plant and ducked down, trying to remain concealed.  Zelda shrugged it off and followed Donkey Kong.

            Luigi made his way down a hallway.  He spotted Mr. Game and Watch juggling three pokéballs.  The green man didn't know what to think of it and paid no mind to the 2D superstar.  He entered the same closet storage room.

Luigi looked at the mass of stored melee items.  A box labeled, "Pokéballs" had been left open.  Other boxes were stacked and the walls were lined with a few longer items like Hammers and Star Rods.  Luigi found what he had been looking for in the corner, a broom.  He grabbed it and left the closet.  Game and Watch was still there, but didn't notice Luigi.  At least, Luigi didn't think he was noticed.  He couldn't really tell as Mr. Game and Watch had no eyes and it was almost impossible to see which way his 2D body was facing.  Luigi wielded the broom and began to walk down the hallway, sweeping left and right as he went.  He whistled to himself as he rounded a corner and left Game and Watch's sight.

            Samus was in an indoor firing range.  It was kept away from the entrance room by a wall of bulletproof glass.  The range itself could only have one person at a time occupying it.  Samus stood behind a counter, which was the safety firing line.  Before her was an extremely long room with three targets at scattered distances.

"Samus, are you ready?" the voice on an intercom asked.  It was coming from the man that worked at the firing range.  He sat at a computer on the other side of the glass, looking at weapon's schematics.  Samus nodded and picked up the sniper rifle before her.  She rested it on her arm wielding a missile launcher.

"Go!" the PA system boomed.  The targets began moving; the outer two moved closer while the middle one moved farther away.  Samus was lined up with the middle target.  She took aim and fired five bullets, each hitting the yellow bull's-eye.  She then directed her aim towards the left target, which was now moving away.  She shot once and hit red, then red again, then gold, and lastly one that hit the backboard but missed the target.  Samus dropped the rifle and pointed her arm forward.  A hatch opened on her metal suit and a missile fired, directed at the target.  She aimed for the right target and did the same.  In an explosion both were destroyed.

"Umm," the firing range worker began, "to earn gold for this weapon you need to score 150 points, or 15 bull's-eyes, in less than 15 seconds.  We can't award you for using your missiles.  Now that you know how the targets travel would you like to try again?"

Samus nodded and picked up the rifle.  She pulled the cartridge out and replaced it with one resting on the counter.  Three targets reappeared.  Samus sidestepped to the left and lined herself up with the first target.  She shot five bull's-eyes right off the bat.  She then sidestepped to the right a bit and shot the middle target five times.  It crumbled into fragments after the fifth bullet hit.  The magazine fell out and Samus replaced it with a loaded one.  She got lined up for the last target and shot five more, just as the time ran out.  All five bullets hit gold.

"Very good, Samus!  You've earned the gold medal for this weapon!"

The layer of bulletproof glass on the gunner's side of the counter slid open and Samus approached the man who worked at that station.

"Now where's the Sniper award?" Samus asked almost demandingly.

"The Sniper award?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

  
"I'm afraid I don't, love.  It's definitely not here."

"What?  Ohh, someone's going to get it," Samus said as she turned to leave the firing range.

            "Lufthansa fünf drei sieben vier wird in Berne in einer Stunde landen," a stewardess informed.  Ganondorf and Mewtwo were traveling by plane, first class of course.  They were extremely odd figures to be seen in the mass of normal humans onboard.  Unfortunately, they didn't understand much of anything.

"What did she say?" Ganondorf asked.

"How would I know?" Mewtwo responded.

"Aren't you psychic?"

"Why does that mean I should be able to translate?"

"Well read her mind and find out what she said."

"She doesn't THINK in a language I can understand either!"

"Arg!" Ganondorf was disgruntled.  "You're so useless."

"All I want to do is get to Switzerland and pick up the award," Mewtwo stated.

"I wonder if they serve those peanuts on this plane," Ganondorf said to himself.

"Why don't you try and ask someone," Mewtwo said deviously.

"Alright I will."  A stewardess passed by.  Ganondorf was sitting in an aisle seat and got the woman's attention.  "Excuse me, can I get one of those bags of peanuts?"

"Was? Ich verstehe Sie nicht," she replied.

"Oh, never mind."  Ganondorf gestured for the stewardess to leave and turned back to Mewtwo.  "You knew that was going to happen!"

Mewtwo chuckled to himself.  "Of course I did, who didn't?"

            Bowser passed Zelda and DK in the hall.  For some odd reason, the sage and the ape were being followed by a potted plant.  Bowser was still holding Link's Hylian shield.  He entered one of the doors to his right and made sure to close the door behind him.  Inside was a desk with a computer, which was nothing of much interest to Bowser.  He tossed the shield to the floor in front of him.

"One bonus award coming up."  Bowser cracked his knuckles.  He jumped into the air over the shield and used his Bowser Bomb.  His mass crushed the shield.  Bowser stood up and looked at the target.  It had a few cracks but wasn't completely busted.  He used another Bowser bomb, this time a few pieces broke off and a large crack appeared down the middle.  Bowser began to punch down at it, trying to widen the longest crack in the metal.

He continually pounded into the shield.  More parts broke off.  Eventually, the shield was just a pile of bits of metal.

"Ha ha ha!" Bowser laughed maniacally to himself.  He looked around for the alleged entity that would give him back the award.

"I busted that shield!  Where's my award?" Bowser demanded.  No response came.  Bowser looked down at the crumbled shield.  He picked up a fragment that the symbol of the triforce was imprinted on.  He left the room grumbling to himself and with the fragments lying on the floor.

            Fox and Pichu had encountered a problem.  They had covered Captain Falcon's legs with cement, but had gone no higher.  Pichu, being too short, couldn't reach any higher, and Fox, being straight, didn't want to go any higher.

"Hmm," Fox thought to himself.  "How to work around this."

"Pi pi pichu pi!" Pichu suggested.

"Good idea, Pichu," Fox said.  He picked up the container the poured come of the cement on Falcon's chest and let it slide down to the regions he didn't care to get close too.

"Pichu!" Pichu said while pointed to a stool on the other side of the room.  Fox went off in that general direction and came back with the stool.  He placed it on the table and let Pichu jump to the top.

"Pi!" Pichu thanked.

            In another room, Jigglypuff and Pikachu were waiting.  Ness entered the room, carrying a cardboard box.

"I got it," Ness informed.  He set the box down and opened it.  Inside were plenty of poison mushrooms jostling each other around.  On the table the three were situated around a small stage had been set up made of soda cans.  16 cans formed the border, being stood up with four on each side.  Pikachu and Jigglypuff jumped into the box full off poison mushrooms and in an instant they shrunk.  The only difference was they shrunk that much more for each mushroom they touched, and they wouldn't grow back anytime soon.  Soon the two pokémon were the size of ants.  Ness picked up the box and dumped its contents into the battlefield.  Pikachu and Jigglypuff fell into the square of soda cans and struck fighting poses.  Ness held up a magnifying glass.

"Ready when you are."


	3. Magnification, a Stalker, and a Meat-Eat...

Bonus Awards Show

Chapter 3 – Magnification, a Stalker, and a Meat-Eating Bird

By Pelican (Pelican_13@Yahoo.com)

            Pikachu and Jigglypuff stared each other down, ready to do serious battle.  Well, not really serious as they were only fighting to get back the award.  Ness towered over the stage, looking at the match through a magnifying glass.

Pikachu started with a Thunder Jolt.  Jigglypuff rolled past it and toward Pikachu.  Pikachu let loose another jolt of electricity through his cheeks.  Jigglypuff jumped to avoid it this time.  She positioned herself over Pikachu and came down with a drill kick.  Pikachu was forced backwards as Jigglypuff landed.  Pikachu attacked with a head butt, then two more quick head butts.  Jigglypuff took the three hits and was knocked backwards.  She hopped forward on her right foot and rammed Pikachu with her left foot.  The electric rodent was sent into the air away from Jigglypuff, but not very far.  Pikachu lowered its head and began a Skull Bash attack.

"Piiii," Pikachu said as he charged up.

"Chu!" Pikachu released the attack and was propelled forward.  Jigglypuff was just fast enough and dodged the attack by rolling to the side.  Pikachu slid across the wooden surface behind Jigglypuff.  The balloon pokémon turned around and used another forward smash attack.  It connected to Pikachu's back.  This time it sent Pikachu farther.  Pikachu was almost cornered.  He acted how any cornered animal would, aggressively.  He ran right up to Jigglypuff and grabbed her.  He jumped over her and flung her forward with pure upper body strength, which was surprising considering Pikachu's smallness.

Jigglypuff rolled to her feet.  She now stood in the middle of the makeshift arena.  Pikachu charged again and used a running tackle.  Jigglypuff raised her shield just in time, creating a white blast of energy as the attack hit.  Jigglypuff quickly lowered her shield and grabbed Pikachu by the skin on his neck.  She threw him into the ground and head butted into him.  She didn't stop there.  Jigglypuff continued pounding into Pikachu by moving left and right.  Pikachu rolled out after three hits.  Jigglypuff continued the offensive and used a Pound.  The attack sent Pikachu into the air, almost back to the wall of soda cans.

            Ness continued to watch the match.  The door opened and Peach stepped into the room.

"Hey, Ness," Peach tried to get Peach's attention.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu dropped to the surface, doing their best to cover their ears.  Peach's voice wasn't exceptionally loud but to the super tiny pokémon the sound waves were magnified ten fold.

"Shhh!" Ness ordered while holding a finger to his mouth.

"Why?" Peach whispered.

"Because Pikachu and Jigglypuff are really small and you're really loud," Ness answered in a whisper.

"Why?" Peach asked again, even quieter now that she knew why she must whisper.

"We're getting the Magnified Finish," Ness answered.  "Now get out of here!"

"But you're not going too," Peach began.

"Go!" Ness did the best he could to issue and order in a whisper.  He spun Peach around and pushed her out of the room.  He closed the door and returned to the match.

            Jigglypuff and Pikachu stood up.  Pikachu was at a higher level of damage and decided to get more aggressive.  He ran straightforward at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff acted first and jumped upwards once.  She came down with a drill kick at Pikachu.  Pikachu failed to evade and was hit by a spinning Jigglypuff with her legs down.  Pikachu hit the floor and bounced up once.  He came down right on Jigglypuff.  As Pikachu made contact Jigglypuff used her Rest attack.  The awesome power of a sleeping Jigglypuff was released on anything outside its body, in this case Pikachu.  Pikachu was knocked high and away.  His body caught on fire from the release of energy.  Pikachu sailed past the wall of empty soda cans.

"Game!" Ness declared in a whisper.  Jigglypuff and Pikachu returned to their normal size.  Jigglypuff's body pushed the cans off the table.  Pikachu became visible on the other side of the room.

"Good match," Ness congratulated.  "Now let's see if we got that award."

Ness and Jigglypuff left the room.  Pikachu slowly rose to his feet and followed.

            Elsewhere in the world, more specifically Paris, France, even more specifically, on the first level of the Eiffel Tower, Yoshi was enjoying the sights.  He had a camera attached to a strap around his neck.  He raised his camera and took an exposure of the Arc De Triomphe across the river.  Like the two evil melee superstars aboard 'Lufthansa fünf drei sieben vier,' Yoshi really stood out in a crowd.  Why wouldn't he?  He was green, reptilian, and wearing virtually nothing.  Maybe that last part didn't stand out in France, but we was odd nonetheless.

            "Okay, you study your script and I'll get ready," Zelda suggested.  She went off another way while DK looked down at a piece of paper.  Nearby was a counter, which an officer clerk had vacated.  Behind was counter was not vacant, however.  Roy was ducked down, hiding behind the counter for dear life.  Although it didn't look like any melee stars were on the prowl for him, he remained in fear.

A potted plant sat itself down near DK.  The ape apparently didn't notice its presence as he was looking down at the paper.  The plant couldn't continue to follow Zelda without risking being discovered by DK.

Down the hallway Zelda had left someone else was approaching.  Marth recognized the person's size and tail to be that of Fox McCloud.  He had to reposition himself to make it harder to spot him if Fox passed by.  For some reason though, he couldn't take his eyes off Fox.  Marth looked up and down his body, much the same he had done to Zelda earlier.  Only this time he began to lose all rational thought just looking at Fox's body.  The fur, the tail, the rugged good looks were all too much for Marth to handle.  The swordsman was about to lose it but shook his head to return to reality.  He ducked down behind the plant as Fox passed.

"I can't think like that," Marth thought to himself.  "I need to get that award.  I must stalk Zelda!"

            In another part of the building, a kitchen, Falco was digging into a refrigerator.  He pulled out two plastic bags.  One contained cold slices of turkey and the other ham.  He opened them and walked over to the table.  He had two pieces of breed laid out on a plate.  He placed his selected slices of meat onto the breed and formed a sandwich.

"I'll prove I'm a bird of prey," Falco thought to himself.  He lifted the sandwich up to his beak and was prepared to eat it, but thought for a moment.  He held the sandwich with one wing and with the other threw down the two pieces of bread.  He tilted his head up and raised the ham and turkey above his open beak.  He dropped them in and devoured them.

"There!" Falco said in his head, "now to see if we have that award."


	4. Would you like an R?

Bonus Awards Show

Chapter 4 – "Would you like an R?"

By Pelican (Pelican_13@Yahoo.com)

Mewtwo und Ganondorf gingen hinunter die Straßen in Berne, die Schweiz. Sie waren auf dem Suche für den die Schweiz Prämie Preis.

            That is to say, Mewtwo and Ganondorf were walking down the streets of Bern, Switzerland.  They were on the prowl for the Switzerland bonus award.

So far, their search had proved fruitless.  The streets had a charming medieval feel to them.  They were made of stone and held together with concrete.  The buildings were almost entirely made of wood.  At least they looked like that from the outside.  Pedestrians filled the streets, not cars, and several of them were eyeing Mewtwo and Ganondorf.  It almost goes without saying that they really stood out.

"We've been looking for the award for over an hour," Ganondorf complained.

"No we haven't," Mewtwo replied.

"Why did we even get aboard that plane?  Couldn't you have transported us here?"

"No.  I had to transport us to the plane and then down to here."

"Why?"

"Because it's a real headache teleporting that far.  At least we didn't have to go through customs."

"All I had illegally was a sword."

"That's all you had!" Mewtwo replied with frustration.  "You can't take a weapon of any kind on a plane!  What's wrong with you?"

A man accidentally bumped into Ganondorf as he passed by.  "Entschuldigung," he apologized and walked on.  Ganondorf stopped and turned around.

"What is it now?" Mewtwo asked, also stopping.

"I think he said something bad about my momma," Ganondorf replied.

"Ganondorf, you're making my headache worse," Mewtwo said putting a hand to his head.

"Well this is stupid.  We're never going to find the award."

  
"We receive the bonus awards at the end of a match, right?" Mewtwo asked.

"Yeah," Ganondorf answered, "what's your point?"

"We need to fight a match.  Then the winner should get the award."

"Fun!" Ganondorf replied.  "Let's go right here."

"Here?  Amidst all these bystanders?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Very well," Mewtwo accepted.

            The Gerudo king and genetically engineered pokémon squared off.  Ganondorf began with a Wizard's Foot.  Anyone about to walk in the path of the two melee fighters stopped in their tracks.  Ganondorf slid over the stone road towards Mewtwo.  Mewtwo jumped to dodge the attack and disappeared for a few moments in mid-air.  A few awes were heard amongst the crowd.  People quickly cleared out of the way.  Several stayed to watch the fight unfolding in their fair streets.  Mewtwo reappeared and dropped to the floor.  Ganondorf spun around and jabbed his elbow forward.  Mewtwo was hit by the attack and was ignited by a purple fire of evil.

Ganondorf took this opportunity to jump once.  He preformed a front flip and kicked Mewtwo.  He fell and landed while Mewtwo was knocked to the other side of the street.

"Betracht das!"

"Der Wasservogel ist das beste!"

Mewtwo got up a little shaken.  He stared a hole into Ganondorf and was waiting for him to make the next move.  Make the first move Ganondorf did.  He jumped into the air twice and came down towards Mewtwo.  The crowd gave a reaction to the amazing height he achieved and the fact that he could jump once in mid-air.  Ganondorf aimed his feet for Mewtwo's head and was coming down fast.  Mewtwo psychically levitated to the right just in time.  He floated over to Ganondorf and grabbed him by the armor on his chest.  He tossed him forward and aimed his open palm.  From his odd-shaped hand he released five purple balls of psychic energy.  Four hit Ganondorf and kept him in the air while one flew past him.  It hit the top story of a nearby building, which resulted in a small explosion.  For some reason, no damage was done to the building and no fire followed.

            Ganondorf landed and stood up.  His body appeared to have taken on a few shades of purple after the attack.  He soon returned to his former colors and got a little closer to Mewtwo.  He quickly shot forward and used his Gerudo Dragon.  His fist, glowing with the evil energy he could create, stuck Mewtwo in an uppercut.  This time it was Mewtwo to gain a few shade of purple.  In the air Mewtwo jumped to recover from the attack.  The crowd gasped.  Mewtwo came straight down on Ganondorf.  Mewtwo charged up a purple attack of his own in his fist.  As Ganondorf drew in range he swiped it across his target.  Ganondorf was knocked into the air, higher than Mewtwo had been previously.  Mewtwo moved backwards with two psychic steps, the equivalent of the other character's rolls, and began to charge a Shadow Ball.  Ganondorf landed on his feet in the middle of the road.  The two fighters began to notice how the buildings and mass of onlookers had boxed them in, making a very defined battle zone.

"Hey, Mewtwo.  Think it's safe for these people to be so close?" Ganondorf called over to Mewtwo.

Mewtwo had his Shadow Ball fully charged so he retracted the energy into one of his hands.  "Since when did you care?" Mewtwo replied with a question.

"Since I broke that guy's car and he sued me."

"Oh…"

"I wasn't my fault!  He drove right in the way of my Wizard's Foot," Ganondorf said defensively.

"You don't have to tell me," Mewtwo replied.  "Let's just finish this fight."

"Good idea."  Ganondorf used another Wizard's Foot.  Mewtwo reacted quickly and launched the Shadow Ball.  The force of the purple ball of energy leaving him pushed him back to the wall of one of the buildings.  Ganondorf was unable to defend as the Wizard's Foot was taking over now.  He ran directly into the Shadow Ball.  His attack instantly stopped and he was sent into the air.

The evil Gerudo king came down quickly, but Mewtwo was standing right there.  Mewtwo's eyes became yellow and he used his Disable attack.  Ganondorf suddenly felt really dizzy and could barely stay standing.  He became unable to attack.  Mewtwo was quick to capitalize and charged a downward smash attack.  He swept his fist to the ground and opened it, releasing a wave of psychic power.  Ganondorf was knocked into the sky by the massive force.  The attention of the crowd shifted upwards.  Ganondorf's scream was heard as he continued to ascend until he was just a star in the sky.

            A country and a short strip of water away, Yoshi was continuing his tour.  The next leg of his vacation brought him to London, England.  He stepped out of the underground tube station onto the road level.  Not uncommonly, it was raining.  Yoshi was holding up a white and red parasol while looking down at a map.  After confirming his location, he lowered his map and looked up.  Before him, across the street, stood the Big Ben.  The height and close proximity overwhelmed Yoshi and he almost fell over.  He regained his bearings and raised his camera.  He took a few exposures of the clock tower and then signaled a black cab to continue his London vacation with the Westminster Abbey.  Unfortunately, he appeared to be using the wrong hailing signal and no one was stopping for him.

            Back at Melee HQ, Zelda had a wooden table set up.  It looked like one a child would make to sell lemonade.  The top board advertised, "R's for Sale!"  DK approached the stand.  Zelda was sitting behind it.  Displayed were several rows of cutout red construction paper in the shape of R's.

Donkey Kong cleared his throat.  He spoke in an English accent, "Pardon me madam, but may I have one of those R's?"

"Nope," Zelda answered simply.  The two looked around for the award.  Upon finding none, Donkey Kong continued according to the script.

"May I ask, madam, if I can purchase one of those R's?"

"These R's aren't for you."

"Oh, but please?"

"No."

Donkey Kong and Zelda found no award and no entity to give them the award but stayed in character.  No way Donkey Kong was getting one of those R's.  Just then Luigi came down the hallway, sweeping the floor.

"Luigi!" Peach called.

"What?" Luigi replied, still looking at the floor and sweeping.

"Would you like an R?" Zelda asked.  Luigi stopped sweeping at looked up at Zelda's stand.

"Why-a would I-a want a R?" Luigi asked.

"Just take one," Donkey Kong whispered.  

"Alright-a," Luigi said and picked up a red paper R.  He looked at it strangely and shrugged.  He dropped it on the ground and continued with his sweeping, knocking the R left and right like a hockey puck.  He left down the hallway past a suspicious potted plant.


	5. Marathon Runners and Rock Climbers

Bonus Awards Show

Chapter 5 – Marathon Runners and Rock Climbers

By Pelican (Pelican_13@Yahoo.com)

            Off in the land of Hyrule the hero Link had just arrived.  He was searching Hyrule Field for one man in particular.  On the horizon Link spotted the object of his search.  He was a tall and skinny man and wore a white toga.  Strangely, he wore the ears of a bunny on his head.  They bounced back and forth as he ran.  His sandals kicked up dirt as he drew nearer.  Link held up his hands and waved them back and forth, trying to get the man's attention.  The runner drew nearer and began to stop.  A cloud of dirt followed him and engulfed him and the Hylian melee fighter.  Soon the dust settled, leaving Link coughing.

"Can I help you?" the runner asked.

Link stopped coughing enough to get in a sentence.  "Do you have the Marathon Man award?"

The marathon man looked at Link strangely.  "An award?  I can't say I do."

"Oh," Link replied.  He then gave a request.  "Can I just run around with you until I get the award?"

"You can run with me if you want, but how would you get the award from doing that?"

"I-," Link thought for a moment, "don't know."

The man shrugged once.  "As long as you can keep up."  He began to jog off on his regular route.  Link had to sprint to keep up and was still literally eating the marathon man's dust.

            Meanwhile, back at Melee HQ, a few melee superstars had gathered at the lounge where Peach had made the announcement.  Fox, Samus, Bowser, and DK were waiting around and talking of their individual attempts at regaining a melee bonus award.

"All I got for that was a lousy gold star," Samus complained.

"At least you didn't have to look at the ugliest statue ever made," Fox replied, ridiculing Captain Falcon.

"And I didn't get an R!" DK complained, continuing to act like he actually wanted an R.

At that time Peach entered the room from the main hall.  The four smashers noticed her and turned towards her.

"What gives?" Samus asked, "I should have the Sniper award."

"And I the Shield Breaker," Bowser continued.

"Pichu, Falcon, and I should get the Statue award," Fox said.

"And there is no R for me!"

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Peach asked.

Ness entered the room.  He was followed by Jigglypuff and Pikachu, who looked very beat up.

"Peach," Ness got Peach's attention, "did we get the Magnified Finish award back?  Pikachu and Jigglypuff fought under my magnifying glass.  Ness held up the instrument for all to see.

"Did we get _anything back yet?" Fox asked._

About to enter the room was the swordsman, Marth.  He was about to turn into the door when he heard Fox's voice and stopped where he stood.  He contemplated for a few moments as to whether of not he should be near Fox.

"Maybe it's best I not see him for a while," Marth thought to himself.  He turned to leave back down the hallway he came when he came face to face with Roy.

"Ahhh!!" Roy yelled in Marth's face.  The younger swordsman turned and ran away.  Marth noticed Roy dive into a nearby trashcan.  The fighters inside the lounge ran out to investigate the noise.  Fox, being one of the fastest, was the first on the scene.  Behind him Ness, Peach, and Jigglypuff stood.  They watched the nearest garbage can shake, like it was shivering.

"What was that?" Fox asked.  The fact that is was Fox speaking began to take hold of Marth.  His senses blurred and he was about to lose all control.  Another voice snapped Marth back into reality.

"What is Roy doing?" Ness asked.

"Umm," Marth thought for a moment.  He had to get away from Fox before any information spilled that he wasn't ready to reveal to the other smash brothers.  "He's trying to get the scream in a swordsman's face award…yeah."

The other fighters looked at each other, trying to make sense of what was going on.

"But that's not a," Fox began.  Marth cut him off.

"I have to get the outta here award," Marth said, without looking at the other fighters, and dashed off.  The remaining melee stars were still confused.

            Ganondorf was lying on the cold ground on some mountain in the Alps.  He was defeated, dazed, and didn't even know which country he was in anymore.  He looked up at the sky, not having enough strength yet to get up.

"Ow…my head," he muttered to himself.  He slowly sat up.  Just then Mewtwo teleported next to him, looking down at the evil fighter.  Ganondorf redirected his attention to Mewtwo.

"Did you get the award?" Ganondorf asked.

"I don't think so.  Nothing same out of the sky and gave it to me," Mewtwo answered, "but it might have reappeared back at Melee HQ."

"Then let's go," Ganondorf suggested as he stood.

"But mein Kopf verletzt," Mewtwo complained.

"What?" Ganondorf asked.

"Mein Kopf verletzt," Mewtwo repeated.

"Oh yeah?" Ganondorf replied as if he was offended, "we'll you're an Auf Wiedersehen!"

Mewtwo sighed.  He placed a hand on Ganondorf's shoulder and they both disappeared.

            In a rather large pile of rocks two siblings were working on climbing towards the top.  They were both fighters from melee known as the Ice Climbers.  They wore thick jackets, despite it not being cold at all.  Popo wore blue while his sister Nana wore pink.

"This is so much easier than climbing ice!" Nana called to her brother.

"I know!  It's not slippery at all!" Popo called back.

The two continued to climb the pile of black rocks.  They were about 30 meters above ground level and were nearing the top.

"I see the summit," Nana called down to her brother.  Nana pulled herself up and was the first to reach the top.  Popo soon also reached the top.  The two looked down and then turned towards each other.

"We did it," Nana smiled.

The two reached on their backs and pulled out their mallets.  They stood next to each other and pointing their hammers towards the sky, executing their taunt.

            Back in the lounge of Melee HQ Fox, Samus, Bowser, Donkey Kong, Peach, Ness, Pikachu, Jigglypuff, and Falco were standing around.  Falco had recently made his entry and explained how he was the rightful bird of prey.

"Fox, tell the people how I eat meat!" Falco commanded.

"Alright, everyone," Fox got everyone's attention.  "Falco is a kind soul who can't stand to eat anything that was once alive.  He's a strict vegetarian."

"Why you!"

A few chuckles were heard amongst the smashers.  DK finally broke the laughter and got the group back focused on the missing bonus awards.

"Why haven't we gotten those awards back?" DK asked Peach.

"Because, you haven't been doing what," Peach began.

"Wait!" Fox interrupted.

"What is it?" Ness inquired.

"I just remembered I left Pichu alone with Captain Falcon!"

"So?" Samus failed to see the harm.

"Captain Falcon might ask Pichu to show him his moves!"

"Oh no!" DK said issuing a call to action.  "We've got to get there right away!"

            On the North American continent existed a barren, desolate, and sandy desert.  However, somewhere in this seemingly inhabitable wasteland was a city, a fairly large one at that.  It had been nicknamed Sin City for obvious reasons.  That happened to be Kirby's present location, Las Vegas.  He floated up to a stool in front of one of the thousands of slot machines and held a bag full of quarters.

"Now to get that jackpot!" Kirby said to himself in a high-pitched voice.  He rubbed his hands together like he could almost taste the money and put the first quarter in.  He pulled the slot and the three symbols began changing.  The first stopped on a cherry, the second stopped on a lemon, and the third stopped on a bar.

"Hey!  What the heck is this?" Kirby angrily asked himself.  He reached into his bag and pulled out another quarter.  "This time I know I'll get it."

            In the mean time, in the skies above the Na Pali Coast on the island of Kauai, Yoshi was with a tour group aboard a helicopter

"These cliffs rise as high as 4,000 feet and are accessible along the beautiful Kalalau Trail on the Na Pali Coast. Many believe that the Na Pali spirits can play tricks on hikers and campers. Some historians claim that the Na Pali region was the first part of Kauai to be settled.  More recently, the opening scenes of the film Jurassic Park was filled on the Na Pali coast," the pilot informed.  The tourists looked down at the beautiful cliffs and shoreline.

"Jurassic Park?" one of the tourists asked.  He glanced over at Yoshi and screamed.  "A raptor!  A raptor escaped from Jurassic Park!"

"What!?  Where?" a terrified female voice called out over the tourists.

"Right there!" the first panicked onlooker yelled, "How can you not see it?  It's a green raptor!"

More yells were heard aboard the helicopter, generally throwing everything into confusion.

"Get him!" a more muscular tourist called.

"Are you crazy!?  Those things have claws!"

"Does it look like it has claws from here?"


	6. Super Spy Mario

Bonus Awards Show

Chapter 6 – Super Spy Mario

By Pelican (Pelican_13@Yahoo.com)

            Somewhere under the ocean, Super Spy Mario was preparing for his next mission.  He was in a torpedo that had been launched to a cove underwater.  As it entered the natural formation it floated up to an air pocket in the surface.  A piece of metal fell off and Mario, wearing a wet suit, swam out.  He made his was to a nearby metal platform.  He was behind a few stacks of barrels incase anyone in the secret base was watching him.  He pulled himself up and unzipped his wet suit, letting it slide down to his feet.  He stepped out and was now wearing a black tuxedo.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a white flower, which he pinned to his tux.

After making himself look like the classic super spy he peered over the pile of barrels.  There were several computer stations with female scientists pushing in buttons and looking over data.  Mario noticed no guards and decided to step out of his concealment.  Finding no danger, he walked through the mass of scientists and tall computers.

"Stop!  Who are you?" asked one of the scientists.

"Don't-a mind-a me-a," Mario replied, "I-a just need-a to kill the boss."

"Not without a fight," another scientist cut in.  Soon Mario was surrounded by taller females wearing lab coats.

"Let's-a do this!" Mario declared.  The first wave of scientists jumped forth.  Mario attacked first and jumped up.  He used a horizontal kick to take down three of the first members of the evil organization.  Another worker came from behind and grabbed Mario.  Mario put his hands on hers and flung her forward, taking out more hostiles in the process.

"Hiya!" called another scientist as she jumped at Mario with a karate chop.  Mario used an uppercut to take her out in mid-air.  Three more guards lined up in front of him.  This time Mario was going to do it old skool style.

Mario jumped towards the woman to the left.  He hit her square on her head and jumped towards the middle woman.  He did the same and went on to the last.  He landed on the ground as the three fell, unconscious.

One more opponent was left standing.  She was about to grab Mario from behind, but he spun around and used an eye poke.  She fell to the ground as if she had been hit extremely hard in the head, even though she hadn't.

Mario stood over the bodies of the fallen he had battled.  He reached down and removed the lab coat of one of the scientists and wore it himself, despite it being several sizes too large for him.

"Now onto-a the boss!"

            Back in Las Vegas, Kirby was still working the slots.  His bag of quarters was almost empty and he had had no success in getting the jackpot award.  Two tourists were standing nearby.

"I hear there's a lot of free food in Vegas."

"Hey, look!  It's a marshmallow!"  The two tourists approached Kirby.

"Can I eat you?" one of them asked.

"No," Kirby tiredly replied.

"Not even a little bite?" the other asked.

"Go away," Kirby said as he put another quarter into the slot.

"Hey!  Kirby!" called a voice from the other side of the row of slot machines.  Kirby turned to see Yoshi taking a seat next to him.  Yoshi looked just as tired as Kirby.  The green lizard still had his camera around his neck and wore an aloha shirt.

"What's up?" Kirby asked.

"I've been going all around the world," Yoshi said, "and I'm really tired.  How about you?"

"I've been trying to get a jackpot.  I think this will be my six thousand five hundred thirteenth pull," Kirby informed.  He pulled the handle once more.

"Wow," Yoshi said in surprise.  "Any luck so far?"

"Not really," Kirby answered, kind of out of it.  The pictures on the slots stopped one by one.  Jackpot, jackpot, and the third was a jackpot!

"Hey!  You got it!" Yoshi called.

"Really?" Kirby replied with no enthusiasm.  "Then let's get out of here, I'm sleepy."  Kirby yawned once and stood up.  Coins began piling out of the machine and the two left.

"Free money!" someone called.  People began to flock around the vacated slot machine and grab handfuls of quarters.  Yoshi and Kirby left the chaos without even thinking about the money.

             Suddenly, Fox, Samus, Bowser, Donkey Kong, Peach, Ness, Pikachu, Jigglypuff, and Falco busted into the room Pichu and Fox had make Captain Falcon into a statue.  They found Pichu arguing with the concrete Falcon.  His body was covered with a layer of hard cement, save his mouth and nose.

"Pichu pi pi pichu!" Pichu yelled pointing at the statue.

"What are you gonna do about it!?  Show me your moves!" Captain Falcon retaliated.

"Falcon, what would _you do about it?  You're a statue and Pichu can shock you!" Fox interrupted._

A sly grin crossed Pichu face.  He began to charge an electric attack in his cheeks.

"No!  Don't!" Captain Falcon called.  Soon his body was struck by a mass of thunderbolts.  The other smashers could do nothing other than stand back and watch, some laughing.  Pichu eventually stopped the attack, leaving Captain Falcon sizzling but still standing.

"Ow!  I'm going to get you for that, Foxy!" Captain Falcon called out, unable to see if Fox and Pichu were still around.

"You weren't joking about it being the ugliest statue in history," Samus cut in.

"What?  Who said that about me?" Captain Falcon asked angrily.

"Cool it, Doug," Fox interrupted.

"What did you call me, foxy boy!?"

"Shut up!" Peach yelled.  All fighters quickly silenced.  "Someone get him out of that cement, it didn't help us at all!"

"Stand back," Samus ordered.  Knowing it was Samus, everyone did indeed stand back.  Samus pointed her missile launcher at Captain Falcon and fired.  An explosion followed where Captain Falcon once stood.  As the fire died down the occupants of the room saw bits and pieces of cement fall off Captain Falcon, then Captain Falcon himself fall to the ground in pain.

            In the underwater base, Super Spy Mario was at the door of the evil, diabolical, distasteful, and unoriginal Doctor Disgruntled.  Mario was about to press the button on the nearby control pad to open the elaborately large door dug into the rock when something struck him from behind.  He fell to the floor unconscious.

When Mario awoke he was hanging upside-down.  His feet were tied together with a rope that was connected to a pulley on the ceiling.  Below him was a glass pool filled with giant centipedes!

"Ah!  Giant centipedes!" Mario yelled.  He looked down, up from his perspective, at the mass of long insects crawling over each other.

"I see you've met my pets, Agent Mario," came a voice from the other side of the room.  Mario looked towards that side of the room to see the man in charge of the entire operation, Doctor Disgruntled!

"Doctor-a Disgruntled!"

"That's Doctor Disgruntled to you, Super Spy Mario!"

"That's-a what I-a said, Doctor-a Disgruntled," Mario repeated.

"No!  There's no 'ah.'  Just Doctor Disgruntled!"

"Do you-a have a hearing problem?  I said-a Doctor-a Disgruntled!"

Doctor Disgruntled was a tall figure in a similar while lab coat.  He was bald and had a thunder-shaped scar near his right eye.  He began to look more disgruntled at Mario's lack of respect.

"You shall pay for your lack of respect!  Lower him in!"

A female lab worker did as she was told and pushed a button on a control pad built into the cave.  The rope began to lower into the pit of disgusting insects.

Mario reacted quickly.  He reached into his pants and pulled out a gadget he had picked up before he left.  It was Link's hookshot.  Mario pointed it toward the roof and fired.  The hookshot stuck and Mario could pull himself up.  He formed a fireball in his free hand and fired it at the rope.  It burnt instantly.  Mario's feet were still tied together and he was now hanging from the hookshot over the pit.

"Stop him!" ordered the evil doctor.

The lab worker was helpless.  Mario released another fireball down at his feet and let the rope burn off him.  His shoes and pants didn't burn though.  Mario used a mid-air jump and landed right next to his newest evil nemesis.  He reached down to his belt and pulled out another object he had acquired before he left, Fox's blaster.  He pointed it at Doctor Disgruntled, who raised his hands in surrender.

"D-d-don't shoot," Disgruntled stuttered.

Mario was more occupied with looking around for the Super Spy award.  He found none and focused more on Doctor Disgruntled.

"I like my martinis shaken, not stirred."

"W-what?"

"I put three numbers before my name."

"What on Earth are you talking of?"

Mario continued scanning the room for the award, or an entity that would give him the award.  Upon finding none, he apprehended the evil doctor and made his way back to the exit.

            Captain Falcon finally stood up.  Remnants of the statue he had once been encased in lay all over the floor.  Mewtwo floated into the room followed by Ganondorf.

"Hey everyone!  Did we get the Switzerland award?" Ganondorf began.

"Not so loud," Mewtwo said weakly while holding his head.  He turned back to his fellow smash brothers.  "Does anyone have an aspirin?"

Back in the hallway a few clicking sounds could be heard.  Mister Game and Watch soon entered the room and made his presence felt.  He formed a bell in his hand and executed his taunt.

"Nooooo, the pain!" Mewtwo shouted.  He teleported out of the room.  Luigi and Zelda also arrived on the scene.  Luigi was still holding the broom.

"Give me one of those R's!" DK ordered.

"No," Zelda simply replied.

"That's not how you get the No R 4 U award!" Peach cut in.

"Then how-a do you?" Luigi asked.

"To get the No R 4 U award you have to be in a match and," Peach began.  Not unlike all the other times she tried to get a point across, she was interrupted.  Link, covered in dirt and mud and extremely exhausted, entered the room.  The smashers looked at his worn out and dirty figure as it set itself down on a couch.

"I," Link began.  He took in a deep breath, "think," another breath, "I got," another visible breath, "the Marathon Man," Link took one more breath, "award."

"None of us got any awards," Falco informed.  Link just sat there and didn't register the new information.  He was too tired.


	7. We Even Ate Sandwiches

Bonus Awards Show

Chapter 7 – We Even Ate Sandwiches

By Pelican (Pelican_13@Yahoo.com)

            Almost all the fighters of Super Smash Brothers: Melee were gathered in the same room.  Mario was still returning from his mission, Yoshi and Kirby were making their way back from Vegas, Mewtwo had teleported away in search of aspirin, Roy was too much of a coward to be near anyone, and Marth was… weird.

The group silenced as two new figures made their entrance.  They were the Ice Climbers, only instead of their normal colors they wore black rock-climbing gear.

"Ice Climbers?" Zelda asked.

"We're the Rock Climbers!" the Rock Climbers replied in unison.

"You didn't get the award," Peach informed.

"What?" Popo asked in disbelief.

"But we climbed the rocks!  Didn't we climb the rocks?" Nana was in an equal state of disbelief.

"Yeah, we climbed those rocks!"

"Those rocks were climbed!"

"By us!"

The two held up their ropes, "The Rock Climbers."

"Shut up already!" Falco cut in.

"Hey," Link managed to get out, "has anyone seen my shield and my hookshot?"

"Ummm," Bowser let out.  He held out the piece of the broken Hylian shield he had kept.  "Your shield may have been a casualty in getting a bonus award."

"No!  Not my shield!  Where will I get another?" Link was frantic, which didn't bold well because he was also exhausted.

"How about, the Bazaar in Hyrule Castle Town?" DK suggested.

"Oh yeah," Link remembered.

"Who was trying to get the Stalker award?" Ness asked the group.  Everyone looked at each other accusingly.  Most glances were directed at Falco and Captain Falcon.

"What?  Not me!  I was being a statue," Captain Falcon defended himself.

"And I was getting the Bird of Prey award," Falco added.

"How exactly?" Popo asked.

"I ate a sandwich."

Everyone's glance shifted to Bowser's direction.

"What?  Me?  I was destroying Link's shield."

"Guys, how many new potted plants did this building get?" Zelda asked.  Everyone looked at her strangely.

"Does anyone know where Marth and Roy are?" Nana asked.  Everyone pondered that for a moment, and then the same thought crossed their minds.

"Ewww," everyone said in unison.

            At that time Yoshi and Kirby entered.  The other fighters were too busy trying to get a very bad mental image out of their heads and didn't notice the two new arrivals.

"Hiii," Kirby said, without his usual cheerfulness and enthusiasm.

Everyone finally noticed the pink and green fighters that had just entered.

"What have you guys been up to?" Bowser asked.

"I hit a jackpot in Vegas," Kirby answered.

"And I was traveling the world," Yoshi finished.

"Sleepy, sleepy," Kirby muttered and floated over to the couch Link had fallen asleep on.  He landed and got curled up on a pillow.  He to went to sleep.  Yoshi was still wearing his Hawaiian shirt and had a camera around his neck.  He fell back in an armchair and began to doze off.

            As soon as the three were fast asleep one of the last smash brothers arrived.  It was Mario, still wearing his black tuxedo.

"Someone ask Q branch if we got that award back," Super Spy Mario ordered in an English accent.  Everyone looked at him and blinked.

"What?" Mario asked.

"Mario, that isn't anywhere near how you get that award," Peach informed.  She covered her face with one of her gloved hands.

"But-a," Mario replied helplessly.  His British accent was gone and it was back to his Italian.  "I stopped-a Doctor-a Disgruntled!"

            At that moment, in a generic jail cell somewhere.  "That's Doctor Disgruntled!"

            "I-a did-a all that-a work-a!" Mario complained.

"Big deal," Falco cut in, "I ate a sandwich."

"I was-a sweeping all over-a the building," Luigi put in his piece.

"Pikachu chu chu pika pikachu!" Pikachu yelled over the other fighters.

            "Everyone shut up and listen before I use my Peach Bomber," Peach calmly threatened.  A few smash brothers chuckled to themselves.  "I'm serious!  Now, if you would let me explain without interruption," Peach began.  The other smashers actually listened this time.  "You get the awards at the end of a real melee match, THEY AREN'T EXACTLY WHAT THEY SOUND LIKE!"

Peach turned to Falco.  "You get the Bird of Prey by using a lot of aerial attacks, not by just being a real bird of prey."

Peach turned to Mr. Game and Watch.  "In melee a juggler strikes an enemy several times to keep him airborne.  It doesn't mean you actually juggle things."

Peach found Luigi and said her piece about him.  "To get the Sweeper award simply use a high percentage of low attacks."

Peach looked over towards Samus.  "A Sniper award is given if you hit only with flying objects."

Peach turned to Fox, Pichu, and Captain Falcon on the other side of the table.  "Having little left-to-right movement will get you that Statue award."

"Link, you almost had the right idea," Peach said.  She looked over at Link and found he was still asleep.  "Just run that much in a fight."

Peach spun around to face Bowser.  "Try and break one of the smasher's energy shields in the middle of a match."

Peach looked back at the Rock or Ice Climbers.  "Hang from ledges a lot an you'll get the Rock Climber award."

Peach looked towards the wall where Ganondorf rested.  "Switzerland has been neutral in all wars in the past 100 years.  To get the award never attack and never take damage in a match."

"Where's the fun in that?" Ganondorf asked as Peach faced Yoshi.

"A World Traveler gets knocked out on all four sides of the arena."

"Yoshi?" Yoshi asked as he woke up after discovering he was being talked to.

Peach faced Ness, Pikachu, and Jigglypuff.  "End the match in the magnifying glass that comes up if you're too far to one side of the arena to get your award."

Kirby was still fast asleep, pulling an imaginary slot machine while he slumbered, so Peach looked towards DK and Zelda.  "To get the No R 4 U bonus just don't press the L or R buttons during a match."

Peach turned to the last awake smash brother present, Mario.  "To get the Super Spy award simply KO someone with a Motion Sensor Bomb."

            Everyone was dumbfounded.  They had worked all that time, even eaten sandwiches, to get their awards, and it was all for nothing.

"Now do you understand how to get those awards?"

Everyone was still in awe.  Their jaws hung open and they nodded an affirmative.

"Good, now I suggest we all play Super Smash Brothers: Melee!"

"Yeah!" responded all awake smash brothers.  They quickly set up a few games and would have those awards in no time.


End file.
